Oct 5, 2010

Poke War

Ever been poked on Facebook?
My friends and I poke each other constantly. We even get a little bit into it sometimes and write long lengthy wall posts about some poke war we are supposedly engaged in.

Gene Raynor = Brody D.
Chase Turner = Chase T.
John Pookes Alots = Me
Assorted Generals Mentioned = Other people who are randomly engaged in the poke war.

This is unedited, just copy n' paste from Facebook:

Poke War Journal Day 158:
Last night we were the last to return fire last night. Not often that we can do that since the enemy has the time advantage of being 3 hours behind us. Luckily nights like last night, the enemy likes to turn in early. We were awoken with a new barrage of pokes from the enemy; our time advantage doesn't seem to help at all. The activity in the morning has been light. As the day goes on, the pokes become worse, picking up in intensity. I would not have made it this far in the war if it weren't for the enemy seemingly disappearing several weeks ago for unknown reasons. During that time the majority of our troops were able to leave the battlefield and resupply and get our morals back up. Of course we didn't all leave at once, we left behind minimal forces to handle what stragglers were left by the enemy. I'm not sure how much longer we will be able to stay out here awaiting the next wave. We would not have made it this far if it weren't for the brief break we had as previously mentioned. The maddening thing is that the enemy has no real strategy. Even our most skilled and veteran analysts can only make the attacks out as "sporadic." There's no real pattern to them, making predictions pretty much impossible. All we can do it wait for the next attack and counter attack as soon as possible. It's been quiet on their side. Too quiet...

-Gene Raynor
August 21st, 2010


Poke War Journal Day 157:
I'm really getting tired of the commanders shenanigans. He just seems to throw all conventional strategy out the theoretical window. He tells us to fire, and return fire at complete random without much cause or reason. Sometimes he tell us to delay a counter attack for hours or even days at a time...and other times he will work us to the bone, poking and poking and poking relentlessly within a minutes time. Some of the boys are coming down with Poke-shock. They keep waking up in the night and screaming profanities and then they usually shake violently, anticipating the next poke no doubt. I keep myself busy during the times of boredom by playing cards with some of the other soldiers, or smoking and trying to figure out how to solve my Russian puzzle cube...other times I fill out this journal. I guess maybe one day I can show it to my wife and kids - that is if I ever make it out of this war alive.

-John Pookes Alots
August 20 2010

Poke War Journal 159:
I missed writing in my journal yesterday. Funny story though - It saved my life. It was really late, we had recently returned fire. It was quite for some time and I was a little on edge, no smokes left...I go to write in my journal - next thing I know I can't breathe, It felt like I had been punched in the chest by the incredible hulk or something. I looked down and saw a poke-hole in my combat fatigues...I dreaded the worst. Could I not feel it from the immediate shock that my body was going through? I ripped open my shirt and pulled away my standard poke proof vest to find that my chest was just beginning to bruise. I was fine. I quickly picked up my vest and inspected it. The .50 Poke round was lodged deep within the material, so close to actually going through the absorbent material that I could see the tip of it coming through the other side. Next I looked at my journal. Funny enough, the 150 page leather bound booklet had a round poke hole through the center of it. I like to think that my journal slowed the poke shell down enough that It effectively saved my life. TGIF.

-John Pookes Alots
August 22 2010

Dear diary,
I didn't think I'd be pulled into this silly war. I'm just an innocent man minding my own business and bam i get hit with all this fire and my only reaction is to fire back. its getting worse, everytime i look im fired at not once but twice and frankly im becoming exhausted. Diary, im not cut out for the war life and im slowly losing the strength to fire back. But alas i will press on to my last dying breath. If this is my last exert i love the world and will miss it much.

Concerned Innocent Citizen,
Chase Turner

Poke War Journal Day 162:
Me and the boys are not only receiving fire from the Dragotta Platoon, but the Wheat Mercenaries too! And on top of that, recently a rebel group known as Turner's Raiders has been firing upon us without warning at all times of the day. Supplies came in a few hours ago - thank god. Were well supplied now and ready for a long, and grueling winter. I've solved my Russian puzzle cube. Its sort of shame though, been bored just solving it over and over again. We have some reinforcements coming in sometime this week. It'll be nice to welcome some new guys to hell.

-John Pookes Alots
August 25 2010

Poke war Day 163:
It's been 5 days since I last had a chance to write in this thing. The General has decided to change up tactics to gain the respect and attention of Emperor Brody R. Dragotta III. They're quite unorthodox to say the least. Due to the influx of attacks, we've been very stressed to keep up an assault on all fronts. We've been trying to keep Higgin's Hessians at bay, along with The Western Womer army, the stealthy Decleene Decapitators, Turner's Raiders, The Wheat Mercenaries and several new opponents. I'm beginning to lose count. There's possibly several other small uprisings occurring along the boarders. We originally weren't planning on attacking the Wheat army but somewhere in the crossfire of the Higgin-Wheat conflict, we became involved. In order to help us with supplies, etc, we attacked the quiet Turner dynasty. Our nation might have been small but with the newly acquired territories have also increased our accessible supplies, weapons, vehicles, and soldiers. We've relocated our troops to reinforce our lines at the major lines. After the lines are stabilized, there are a set of troops specially designed for timed assaults and infiltration. We've rarely seen the extra soldiers they supposedly bring but it's mostly that secret ops thing they do that is effective. They rotate around from front to front helping the troops already posted there. So they aren't entirely drained, they swap out and have another platoon take over. The number of platoons isn't exactly know by anybody but the high ranking officials. When we receive word that they've arrived the opposing team dwindles mysteriously. They're fast and effective. We've received wind that we might slowly swap troops from each field and rotate. Some of my friends that I met in the first week have been moved. I didn't like the idea of this plan at first. Swapping people who knew the environment and terrain for new people who have no idea what it's like out here, but we keep half of the previous troop behind to educate the new arrivals.

On a different note, a day after my last entry, I noticed a lone soldier of the Higgins army that was playing with something in his hands. I followed him with my cross hairs hoping to find more enemies. He seemed dazed and unfocused. Even in my scope I could see he had the shakes. He paused and proceeded to take out a small notebook, as he took his pen to the paper, I decided to fire. He went down. I thought to myself, "Good job sniper, good job." Then he twitched. What made me almost shit a brick was the fact that he was able to get up and walk away pretty much. I don't know if he suffered from any additional effects from the shot as they provided cover fire as he retreated. Our bullets are so advanced that we can pierce tanks but those are expensive explosive rounds. What we use to take soldiers out are a dumbed down version. It uses the same design as the explosive rounds but has no explosives in the tip. This results in a high velocity, light-armor piercing round. We've had people taken down by these a little over a mile away with bullet proof vests on. As the soldier retreated there was no sign of blood anywhere on his body. He was no more than 3,000' away and he wasn't injured. He must have a divine shield from God that protects him. I am still amazed.

It's time to head back to the field. We have been receiving attacks all around the clock so at least I was able to find the time to update the journal.

-Gene Raynor
August 25, 2010

Poke War Journal Day 166:
Its times like these when I really wonder if this war is worth fighting at all. We’ve been bombarded lately by both Turner's Raiders and The Wheat Mercenaries. They are relentless, and I’m not sure if they themselves are allied against me. Dragotta platoon had ceased fire for more than 24 hours. The break was needed greatly, the new recruits are in a real shit storm, and with no poke experience - they are dropping like flies. We accidentally re-engaged the Dragotta platoon after one of our new recruits misfired a poke mortar, the shell was aimed poorly at the Wheat Mercs and it apparently, hit the Dragotta platoon instead. They’ve already returned fire. I short, were under constant fire from 3 different armies. High Commander Higgins has told us do begin digging trenches. Were going underground. Never surrender. Dig deep and outlast the enemies. Vi veri universum vivus vici.

John Pookes Alots
August 26th, 2010.

Day 56
Dear Diary,
The fire has almost all stopped. I'm not sure what i did but general Higgins and Colonel wheat have seized all fire. The Dragotta rebellion on the other hand...has yet to seize fire. Maybe tomorrow i shall bring them peace offerings of Snapple and Poptarts. Wish me luck...ill need it.

Concerned Innocent Citizen,
Chase Turner

Poke War day 203:
The Emperor has been busy as usual but for a different reason. Our previously introduced POA has taken many nations by storm. The attacks have rendered most of the defenders of their own countries down to either little or no resistance except for a few select nations. In the past 39 days we have taken over and absorbed 26 new nations. The Emperor has been busy with the assimilation of these newly acquired territories and has been called away from the front lines by this. The last remaining nations are some of the very first we attacked. The Higgins empire, the first nation that we got into war with, has settled down along with the Decleene nation. I'm not so worried about the Higgins army as our intel informs us that the leader has been off doing other things and shirking from the battle. While the Decleene Decapitators have been MIA. We find little to no traces of forces left behind. We suspect that they might have been wiped out. Some fear that they haven't been, they've just infiltrated us so inconspicuously that we're just waiting to be ambushed. Rumor holds that they've gone so far up the chain of command that they sit right along side of the upper echelons of central command. The Western Womer empire has almost completely evaporated also. Intel suggests that they formed an alliance with the Decleene nation to take us down. They have a huge nation to take on if that's the case.

As the Higgins assaults calm so do the Wheat assaults too. We can only hope that they're taking each other out since we did not really want to engage with them in the first place. We got caught in the crossfire between their skirmish.

The Turner raiders have been keeping up a moderate assault on us. They unlike the others have been keeping regular. Another one keeping regular attacks is the Grant nation. They're newcomers but they're strong newcomers. I wonder how long it will take to break them down.

The new biggest threat is the Rozycki Empire. They have been unrelenting in their attacks on us. For the first time since we started 203 days ago, we have actually lost ground to another nation. They attack at all times of the day. They even counter attack before we're even fully prepared to attack. The numbers that they have compared to us is insane. Intel says it's at a 1:3 ratio at the moment and they expect it to grow as more of their troops come in. We have only been able to keep the ratio at the same by shipping troops from the newly conquered nations. It's so mind boggling that the Rozycki Empire is so densely populated. Numbers are not the only impressive thing. Their reaction rate to our attacks is overwhelming. It's almost inhuman. A fierce opponent we have gotten ourselves involved with indeed.

I must rest as morning comes too early. That's assuming we get to sleep all night and aren't awaken by any serious activity.

-Gene Raynor
October 4, 2010

Day ??

I really have no idea what day it is. The troop, including me of course, has been dug into an underground cave complex for sometime now. We found out that if we simply just do not return fire to the enemies, they will not be able to return fire to us. It is really quite odd. We want to kill our enemies, but in turn we don't want to be killed. So as a solution High Commander Higgins told us to entrench ourselves, deeper and deeper. Were not even sure if hes all there anymore. We eventually broke into a small cave system. The ceiling is lofty and the air isn't too stale anymore because we've begun digging ventilation shafts. Water isn't a problem either as an underground river flows through the western most cave. Its just a bit warm for my tastes. For now the troop is at least pleased that we are no longer being poked at constantly. We just need to develop some sort of technology to get around this abnormal system of trading pokes. Seems like a more guerrilla tactic is necessary in order to win this war...

-John Pookes Alots
September ??, 2010?

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